My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
