I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
