i jhust puked up my retainher.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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