I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
