How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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