What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
