super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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