you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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