Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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