All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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