I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
