No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
