Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
