I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
