I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
