It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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