she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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