We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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