i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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