How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
