Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
