She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
