You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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