i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Why is your signature on my underwear?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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