Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
