UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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