He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
