I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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