I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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