made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All I want is dick and wine.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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