I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
