If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
