I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
