if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
