I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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