I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
