Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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