He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
