I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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