I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
