so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
