So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
