If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
