Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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