Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
