i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Randomize
