this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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