The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
