I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you traded sex for a burrito?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
