i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
people are starting to question the shark bite story
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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